Alchemical Insecurities

What is it that i am looking for?
Excitement, Surprise?
Is expectation the real enemy of truth and reality?
... of Dreams?
... of Escapism?
Will i ever Learn? (Do i even want to?)
Don't say a word.. don't Jinx it.
As if spoken words are proverbial Daggers hurled at the end-result, killing it.
Work and Pray.. the Alchemist's Mantra.
Countless times before i spoiled the results and it all blew on my face!
You stupid man.. Heard a couple of smart words spoken in a tender tone.
You hypocritical idiot! You can't make a golem with only a toe, a finger and a voice.
You need so much more.. so much more that you can't simply replace the rest of the equation with mere "Expectation". That doesnt result in "Human Being" it only results in Chimera.
Human transmutation , however, always ends in error, hubris and , ultimately, Pain and Regret.

The Urge.

Half lights, smoke, sweat the musk of a city.
Summer heat reflected from concrete at night. Distant car horns and homemade rabble, bickering and the sound of cutlery and pots.
The reverberation of a thousand feet stomping the asphalt. Soles of shoes taping on damp cement, pieces of clothes and accessories dragging on the street. A jacket thrown on a garbage bin, a piece of chain from somebodies back pack hitting a lamp post. Random objects hitting the floor, plastic metal and cloth. The occasional oomph of a human rushing to meet the ground. Countless panting breaths, the brushing of skin as they try to outrun each other.
Lips half open, dry and cracked, rimmed with sweat. Hair being tossed in a matted mass. Fingers gripping arms to hold for dear balance. Hands pushing against flesh and bones, covered in dust turned to mud with sweat, trickling down shoulder blades, sternums and necks. Muscles rippling underneath. Straining to keep up with the momentum.
Eyes wide and frenzied fixed on nothing at all. The look but a reflection of the things to come. More concrete to stampede on. More people to push through. Obstacles to overcome or simply topple over. Nothing holds meaning to their eyes.
The occasional puddle of water to be stepped upon and splash it's contents numerous times until it's spread over too much concrete, asphalt shoes and feet. Sweaty hand prints left on the formerly reflective surfaces of cars, shop windows, trash cans and traffic lights. Smears of blood on building walls, corners or telephone booths.
Civilizations' end, rationality's demise, nothing left but The Urge.
In a poorly lit roof top she was smiling a yellow smile that reeked of something burning.

Beastial Waltz

For Years It Sleeps, Burrowed In Side
.........d.......f#...a..........e............g....b
Tuck it To Sleep, Hidding It with Flowers
....d..... f#....... a........ e .........g ........b
Untill you can Listen to Its Moaning NoMore
.....d.......f#........a..........e........g.......a... D
Little Drops of Blood, Playing Its' Waltz
...b..... g........... b........... b.... f#..... b
It Stirrs in Its' Slumber, Inciting your Anger
.b.....g......... b................... b................F#
You try for years to mute it's song, deafening your self with every other sound
But it won't work. Every drop of blood hits the Feral Piano playing the Beastial Waltz
It Wants to dance, it needs to feed.
For how long can you hide it? For how long can you gag it? How long will you pretend you do not tweek when you hear the voice. That voice, Primadona Insidia, La Coloratura Infernia, weaving your anger blasts and white-knuckled verses into crescendos of fury.
Even in silence the little drops keep playing their tune.
It still calls out for a reason, to lash out, to break, to plant your bones in someone else's flesh and bones. To listen to the sweet piano, waltzing the life away from everything else. Dancing the joy away, steping in time to make everything ...silent.
...b....g.....b........... b....f#....b ...b....g......b.................b.......F#

Dark Corners of my Eyes

Let it writhe and let it slip
in your bed and in your mind
The dragon's quivering lip
As his coils close to bind

the limbs and soul you gave away
to the serpent in your cresting bed
It bites you, as on his scales you sway
Lulling you to sleep as if dead.

Wake up.. don't die.
Wake up.. don't die.
Don't let it consume you.
Hold on to your flesh.

The sea is treacherous and cold
The serpent floats and grows old
It takes you with it on this wet road
Symbols, Parabolas and Hope.

Live.. don't die
Live.. don't die.
I don't want to die.

Caress me and flay me
A dragon in the sea of my bed
You are an illusion after all
A figment of my troubled head
Forever together we fall.